A Year Of Learning

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2011 was a test of patience and a plethora of learning about myself through others. It started out on a relaxed note and I got enough energy and knowledge to give my Avon a shot in the arm. I gave out brochures to many and tried to bring in money from on-line sales. I was told it was all in he numbers, but those numbers weren't panning out just like I thought they would. So later in the year I finally got a break--or so I thought. I was trying to get into something or advertise it in a way that no one else was. It was a Welcome Wagon in my area and I signed up for 6 months and was really excited about it all and so far nothing has happened. They can't seem to find quality leads. I bought samples and brochures for their baskets that they give to 30 new residents and it cost me some money. All for naught. Avon has changed their policy for representatives and they are stricter on how much we have to sell now. That is another charge that is killing me. The economy this year has not been kind to my area and my Avon Business. I have found it difficult with their products they show in their brochures and when ordering them find that they don't have it. This in my opinion is False Advertising and I have lost many customers do to this. I have also had a serious problem with customers paying me on time. I am not sure if I will stay in Avon much longer. I love the hair care products though, but I guess I will have to find something else. So I opened my own business where I am in control of the product.

Seams Like Camelot was/is a Custom Sewing and Alterations business that I had in another state when we first got married. It is still the same but I only do small thing as I do not have the room I once had. It was doing well and then we had to move and due to renovations and other problems couldn't start it again here in this state. This year things finally settled down on the home front and I did apply for a business license. Instead of Custom sewing I am making Bow.........Hair Barrette Bows, Bow Ties and trying to come up with a design for removable Accessory Bows that can be attached and detached to dresses and gowns and possibly shoes. Patience and more patience has come with this pursuit.

I filled out the business license form and sent the first one off in September and didn't get the final one until late November. I missed the Christmas sales this year. More patience I learned from this, but I have gotten lots of important information to get a good start in 2012. I got some information from our Mall who has many Craft Shows throughout the year and am currently waiting on the event list and other information to get into that. Meanwhile I am sewing bows and bows and more bows. It was through learning what kind of relationship I found I was having with my spouse that got me to bring out my passion again.

Through my relationship with my husband I learned what it is like to be married to an Intimacy Anorexic. We have gone to counseling many times, but this time I knew he wasn't going to go with me or by himself. I caught a clip of a show on TV that shocked me and opened my eyes to this condition. So after learning of this I started my own counseling for myself. Most of the women in my group who finally figure out what was wrong were in denial as was me. I didn't think that I was the one who had to go to counseling but the spouse who was doing these actions should. How we learned the grief process and the setting boundaries and what we allowed to be done to us was a shock. Those are the things that we need counseling for---healing from what they put us through.

Things I learned this year was to speak up for myself again. See most times these things they do to us come at us slowly and we don't have a clue to was they are doing. I learned that I put my feelings aside after a while and kind of just let him do whatever he wanted. I didn't want to fight anymore and I certainly didn't know my boundaries or where to set them or even if I had them. I learned how to deflect his behavior and what things I could do to establish my self once again. These are hard lessons to learn once you see them. Seeing them is the biggest problem because you tend to blame anything that goes wrong ir isn't right with a relationship as your fault. I learned alot of things were not my fault. I also learned that I was holding myself back trying to please him. It is one thing to be submissive to your husband but another to totally give all of yourself to another and lose who you are. That is why I opened my Seams Like Camelot business here in this state. Creating things with my hands has always been a joy to my heart. Making others look pretty is another, hence the Avon business and my sewing business with the bows. I have also learned that not everyone understands what I am going through and many have told me to just give up and give in and get a divorce. Some of those relations want to control me by what experiences they have had. I am learning to ignore other's perspectives of what my life is supposed to be. That is a tough lesson to learn and keep up with.

Something else I have learned is that a little praise and genuine intimacy boosts your self esteem and provides energy for anything you want to accomplish, whether it be to clean and rearrange your kitchen or being creative at working or whatever you do.

The biggest lesson I learned and wish to share with all those who are thinking of being in a relationship is: No matter how much you love another person don't give so much of yourself that you lose yourself............or.........have no other gods before thee.

Spiritually speaking I am learning to let it all be. I have woken up this year about some religious aspects and what they mean to me and others and how the two relate. Through my own spiritual experience I have learned to expect that not everyone understands what I have learned and what I believe. I am understanding that everyone is on their own page, in their own spiritual classrooms and schools of learning, but we all have the same source throughout the lives that we have. I have found that I don't need the nursery of a religion, but that I am growing up and learning about the world outside of myself that I create. I am learning to take responsibility for my own thoughts and I do see the scriptures differently in this respect. People will see what they want to see when they have a closed mind or need the constant discipline of a religion. There will come a time ---in their own time--that they will grow up and be self responsible and accountable and not play the blame game. You are what you think you are, nothing more and nothing less. The trick to this is to not let others tell you who you are and what you should be doing with your life. They don't have a clue as to what your life purpose is. Only you know that and are living it the way it is supposed to be. Sounds good doesn't it? I just wish I knew how to do that every now and again when someone tells me I am crazy or psycho or other un-friendly things.

I have been the Neighborhood Watch Chairperson since 2004 and tried several times to set a proper one up. I have found that it isn't how well or how hard you work for the people it is who and what agenda the Board Of Directors have. Working with this board that is intentionally allowing and making plans for illegal ATV's has split the neighborhood up and I get the flack and the nasty behavior just because I am holding up the law. It is not the best way to make a neighborhood secure. We have/had a security company patrolling our roads which is supposed to work with the Neighborhood Watch Chairperson but can't because the president won't give her the proper information to do so. Now there are people who don't want to pay for this security but they also don't want to be volunteering to be a Block Captain or help in any other way. I cannot do my job. Neighbors have called and filed reports with the County Police and one filed a report with the State Police. It seems that getting neighbors out and about and meeting others is a lost cause because as the security man says, I have no help or backup from this board of directors. This has caused lots of stress for me but as the song goes, I Won't Back Down. I learned to stand up for that which I know is right and what the new prez is doing is wrong....totally wrong. Through this I have met other concerned citizens and other groups who support my position. I have gained lots more knowledge about Home Owners Associations than I ever wanted to know. Maybe someday I will run for president again and many will know that I went the distance to secure the neighborhood and stop crime from happening. I did run for president this year but only got 4 votes because my blurb about why I should be president didn't include the criminals and lawbreakers and ATV, which are illegal here. I said that I am a law abiding citizen and will got by the County and State Laws that supersede our Covenants. That went over like a lead balloon. No one else wants to do Neighborhood Watch and it is a volunteer position.

I had the chance this year to run the Halloween Party but turned it down. I re-thought and decided to organize a Christmas Caroling event just before Christmas. One person showed up and she was a renter. This board and the last three have decided that renters should only get their information from the owners of the lots or houses. I think everyone who resides in this neighborhood should know what is going on. That doesn't go over very well.

Perhaps 2012 will be a better year.and this neighborhood and the president will become a law abiding citizens too. One can only hope with this. She has another year and a half left. The thing that I don't get is that she was in Security and so was the last 2 presidents and they do against the law. It just doesn't make sense.

Oh and how could I forget our first trip out west. We were going to a Knight's of Columbus Supreme Convention. It was exciting to get of the east coast but at the same time I had a fear of flying. We put the cats in good hands and my dog, Duke, to my daughter Missy for the week. I also boarded Houdini because he was very sick at the tie with a rare disease. We get on the plane and do the layover in Kansas. What a confusion!!! We finally get the right plane and get to the Denver airport. I was scanned! That was a very weird experience. You almost have to strip to get through the airport to get to your destination. I think it was because my necklace I forgot to take off. I did feel violated. That was a lesson in humility. I won't be flying again for some time.

Let me tell you what could have gone wrong did and then some. A piece of our luggage was missing at the pickup point. They tell us it is on it's way to the hotel. The bus that we took to get to the hotel..well the A/C malfunctioned and we had heat instead. The heat was so hot it burned my leg and that of another passenger. The driver was speeding and it was just a good experience.

We finally get to check in to the Hotel and lo and behold the worst thing that could happen to us.....our luggage had not arrived. We had 2 carry on bags but the things we needed out of the lost bag where our formal dining clothes needed for the formal dinner and wards ceremony. We were a bit embarrassed when we had our daily clothes on and everyone else was in their suit and tie.Our luggage came the day before we were to leave. What a joke! What an experience!

I did have fun taking the trolley up and down the street and shopping. I had fun going to the Denver Zoo and spending the evenings with my husband who had to be in meetings all day.

There was a very sad downside to this though. I had to make a very hard decision to have my cat, Houdini put to sleep. He was not getting better and it was getting more and more painful to him. That was a lesson in letting go. Oh I now letting go isn't easy but it seems that it is the same every time. Your heart just hurts so bad.

The plane trip home was uneventful and we stay at my daughters house for the night and leave first thing in the morning so that we can get to the Vet's first. What a day that was. Houdini is buried right next to Snit and Pinkie in the back yard. Oh how I cried and couldn't seem to be able to stop. Then my husband had some function at his Knight's Of Columbus and we HAD to go there before taking Houdini home. What a jerk. His Knight's of Columbus was more important. I am an empathic and that little cat went to heaven on our way up the highway. Not where he should have gone from...our house where he has never known anyplace else. Animals grieve and so did all the animals that I have and it lasted for months.

Another test for this year that I don't want to go through again. What is in store for next year.

I have been writing on and off for Hub Pages and never once got an award.I am just an ordinary person that swims on the skirts of the river of life. I always tried to be the best that I could be and get A's in school and all I ever got was C's. It's been this way my whole life.

This year was different! I just got this award today, December 30, 2011. It's a perfect end to this year..

‎***Hub Hopper of the Day Debbie Lewis Allen*** aka LadyGuinevere! How about an original Whoopie Pie before that New Year's Resolution kicks in?

Let's see what next year will bring.

Before I close I have another thing that just happened. Sunshine, my cat disappeared for 5 days and she is really not that well and I am currently taking care of her. Duke, our dog, had surgery to remove some cancer on his hind leg. He still has a problem getting int to car now. My husband who decided to get a second full time job. I got the backlash for it from others. They don't think we talk to each other about things like this, I suppose. The question was always, "what are you doing". Well for his second job he had to have a car to go to meetings with the kids, drop them off or pick them up. I AM doing something!!

In retrospect I have l learned how and where to set boundaries, who I AM and what is right for me. I learned how to bring out my creative side and to stand up for myself. I also learned that I have many on-line friends who accept me for just being me. The most important thing that I learned through this year was awareness. I put myself in a protected shell for many years and something rattled that about and I had to come out of that shell and have a much deeper awareness of what is being done to me and more importantly what I am bringing to myself. Some things I see not that I brought them to me but are the actions and earning that the other has projected. I am only responsible for my own thoughts and actions Someone once said once, be careful with your thoughts. It's not only just the passing thought but the emotions one puts behind it and the focus on them. Those are the thoughts that will come about in your future. Be nice and have compassion and understanding. Don't judge until you have lived the other's life and experienced what they have experienced.

I wish everyone a great year where we can come together and learn from each other and share the love and the learning. Love is not having everything your way. Love is allowing the other people to learn their chosen lessons and grow to who they are so you can learn more about who you are.

COME ON 2012, LET'S GET THIS PARTY STARTED!!