Being A Stepford Wife and Finding Answers Within Through My Own Therapy

Many thoughts and self realizations have been floating around my head since I been in group counseling with other women with marriage intimacy problems. Marriage and Intimacy go hand in hand and when there is no intimacy nor a fear of physical intimacy then the marriage has problems. It is wise to seek intimacy counseling if not for the marriage but for your own sanity. I want to share these revelations with you. I am hoping that anyone who thinks they may have intimacy issues in the marriage can get information on this and get themselves into a recovery program.

I don't want to sound preachy but I am going to pull and share some verses out of the Bible with you. You don't have to believe as I believe and that is your right. Just give me the benefit of the doubt and read the whole article. See it doesn't really matter where these concepts about God or Jesus or the Bible come from, they just are--in all languages and beliefs or no beliefs at all.The Intimacy Recovery program that I am with uses the same 12 Step program for other addictions and for myself I needed to find answers that don't include a Superior being. So I found them from the book that I use, though it could have come from any other spiritual book in this world we have today.

While trying to process everything that I have gone through in this Intimacy Anorexic Spousal Support group it gets one to take a hard look at oneself, your needs and desires and way of thinking and how God fits into all this. Yes I said God. I mean the I AM Within. There is one there no matter if there was a real Jesus or a Omniporous or all-seeing entity that some believe is outside of us and that runs us. I have found that marriage and Intimacy problems have no place in life. No book teaches this and no religion either. Although the fear of physical intimacy can be a huge problem for someone who has it is is just a troublesome to those who are married and find out that they are married to an Intimacy Sexual Anorexic. I have also learned through others that are coping with anorexic and the intimacy problems they are facing that there is hope that their spouses can become recovering anorexics. There is a recovery program and they are specialized in how to counsel married couples. You can find the contact information down the page along with several amazon books about Intimacy Anorexia and Sexual Addiction..

Two concepts in the Bible that I want you to read, with an open mind.

1. Isaiah 41: ²³Declare the things that are coming hereafter, And we know that ye [are] gods, Yea, ye may do good or do evil, And we look around and see [it] together. ²²They bring nigh, and declare to us that which doth happen, The first things -- what they [are] declare ye, And we set our heart, and know their latter end, Or the coming things cause us to hear. ²⁴Lo, ye [are] of nothing, and your work of nought, An abomination -- it fixeth on you.
2. John 10: ³⁴Jesus answered them, `Is it not having been written in your law: I said, ye are gods? ³⁵if them he did call gods unto whom the word of God came, (and the Writing is not able to be broken,) ³⁶of him whom the Father did sanctify, and send to the world, do ye say -- Thou speakest evil, because I said, Son of God I am? ³⁷if I do not the works of my Father, do not believe me; ³⁸and if I do, even if me ye may not believe, the works believe, that ye may know and may believe that in me [is] the Father, and I in Him.'

We are God. Hear me out because some of you will say that we are not and it is conceited to even think that way. In the first instance in Isaiah it does read that we are of our own thinking and doing and we create and destroy. In the second Jesus did say it too and we should do as Jesus tells us. Another instance is when Jesus tells us that The Kingdom of God is Within Us.

1. Luke 17: ²⁰And when he was demanded of the Pharisees, when the kingdom of God should come, he answered them and said, The kingdom of God cometh not with observation: ²¹Neither shall they say, Lo here! or, lo there! for, behold, the kingdom of God is within you. ²²And he said unto the disciples, The days will come, when ye shall desire to see one of the days of the Son of man, and ye shall not see it. ²³And they shall say to you, See here; or, see there: go not after them, nor follow them.

Three times I have found that everything we do, say, think and create is within our grasp and comes from within us.

The center of our being is seated right there Within us. If that be true then we are in control of everything that is around us and outside of us. Sure there will be things that may not make sense at first, like losing ones loved one or a tragedy or natural disaster, but really take a hard look at those things. It's all brought to us for learning purposes. Learning about what you may ask. Learning about ourselves in this world. Learning about what boundaries we need to set and what we are able to do and what we think about ourselves.

Being the seat of everything is not meant to be construed as being conceited in any way. Most religions teach you this and that is wrong. Come out of that box and really understand what it is about yourself that is here and how you relate to others and how they relate to you.

Sit down and really take a look at yourself. Don't think of how others see you or what you do for others, but only of yourself. What do you think about yourself? Again don't think of how others see you. This is the main thing that Jesus was talking about when he said that the Kingdom of God is Within you. How you relate to yourself will and is how others will relate to you.

Think about the last time you thought of something---good or bad. Now do you know of something that may have come because of YOUR thought? This may not have come right away but have manifested itself in a period of time. It could have been right away or it could have take months or a year or years for that thought to manifest. Think real hard about this. You created the circumstances that would come about.

When I thought about 5 years ago that I wanted to get a closer relationship with my husband, I never thought about it in this way. Through it all I have gotten closer to him, but it has taken many trials and tribulations. I am not there yet, but I can assure you that for anyone to get closer to another they must first get a better understanding of self first. Hence the little things that pop up like this Intimacy anorexia that he has.

The God Within us all is the same God in everyone. Some do not like it to be caled a or any God as anything above themselves. It isn't above them because it is within them. We cannot do anything without us in the middle of it all. It is in my opinion that Jesus was telling us that we must love ourself first to love others. I think it is more like we must relate to ourself before others can relate to us. Even the Ten Commandments are about how to relate to our own self. Really think about this.

The first commandment is about how not to put other gods before him. Well him is us and if we put someone else above us then we lose the God Within us. Still can't see what I am trying to say. Think of it this way as I have had to think of it in another way. Through counseling I have noticed a few things that I needed to get a different thought process on. One is that when I criticize myself so do others. When I hold my chin up and give myself praise, then others follow. When I put someone else above me then I lost respect for myself. Put no other gods before you. Worship the God Within and others will relate to that. Worship someone else and they will relate to that also.

When I married my husband everything that I did was for him. I put his needs and wants and desires above mine. I worshiped him and he treated me like trash. Most religions tell you to place yourself in your husband and keep him happy. I did that but then I am realizing that he didn't love me for that. What did he love me for you ask? I ask this of all those who are going through some rough times in their marriage. Really think about where your self was before you married or dated your husband. Mine said it was becaue of the way that I treated my cats. It really wasn't that and I think that I got the wrong impression with that in the first place.....now that I think about it.

It's in't about what you do or how you treat him or others, but how they relate to you...to the God In You. When you started to do thing for him and not for yourself you will or did notice that things went awry. Before I started dating my husband I had my own everything....which included self respect an that I would never let someone walk all over me. You see and will probably understand now where I am coming from when I tell you that I PUT HIM FIRST. I put myself IN HIM and not In Me. I put him above my God, which is in me and of me and is me. My husband loved me for the respect that I had for ME, MYSELF and I and The God of Me shown through from Within ME.

Mathew 15" ¹⁵And Peter answering said to him, `Explain to us this simile.' <sup>16</sup>And Jesus said, `Are ye also yet without understanding? ¹⁷do ye not understand that all that is going into the mouth doth pass into the belly, and into the drain is cast forth? ¹⁸but the things coming forth from the mouth from the heart do come forth, and these defile the man; ¹⁹for out of the heart come forth evil thoughts, murders, adulteries, whoredoms, thefts, false witnessings, evil speakings:

What you think from your heart, The God Within, is what gets us into trouble. When you think of the God Within as yourself and then you think not so nice thoughts about that or others that is what comes out.

Ladies and Gents, please be careful of your thoughts about........yourself and the seat of your world and how you relate to that, for that is which how it will relate back to you.

Knowing and understanding this now will be fruitful in the future, but you are still experiencing all the thoughts that you have had in the past. Change your present thoughts, put your God Within back where it is supposed to be and all will be for a better future.

I do hope that some of you have gotten the jist of what I am talking about. Others cannot love you if you do not love your self. It all starts within. Love and take care of the God Within. Don't give your self away. It's is all you have.